Gettin' Your Money's Worth

Carlos Boozer
Cost	Days	Game	Minutes	FG	Rebounds
$11.33 Million	361	1	6	1-2	0
Assists	Steals	Blocks	TO	PF	Points
1	0	0	0	2	2

Things You Never Wanted To Know About Larry King

Shawn Southwick King, Larry King's Mormon wife of almost 9 years, began a media blitz last month to promote her new country album In My Own Backyard (Apparently marrying ole' Larry has been more of a vehicle to her success than anyone had envisioned).

As part of this promotional tour, Shawn recently appeared on the Howard Stern show and revealed intimate details about her marriage to Mr. King that no one really wanted to know. Naturally, I felt obliged to post the highlights for you (and no... I don't have a Sirius satellite radio subsciption nor do I listen to Howard Stern. Chalk this gem up to the beauty of google news):

• Shawn and Larry had to wait an extra six weeks after they got married to have sex because Larry was recovering from an angioplasty.

• Don’t worry though, in spite of this little hick up, Shawn and Larry have a good sex life now. Shawn says that "Larry has this Indian costume that just drives me wild . . . I wear chaps!"

• Surprisingly, seeing Larry naked for the first time did not startle Shawn.

• Shawn claims that Larry has never seen her garments?!?

• And, if you can believe it, Shawn’s father did not approve of this Howard Stern interview!

Kosher Rock

I have a new favorite artist... and he's an orthodox Jew. Move over Death Cab and Ben Folds. Make way for Matisyahu (Hebrew for “Matthew”). He’s a twenty-five year old Hasidic Reggae singer and, in the grand tradition of Bob Marley, has put the God back into Reggae (sugared up with a little touch of hip hop).

I first heard of Matisyahu last fall on NPR. I’d meant to look into him at the time, but I got lost in the Fall Interview Program whirlwind. Luckily, I’m friends with BA, who sent me selections from this Pennsylvania native’s Live at Stubbs album long after I’d forgotten all about the NPR segment. He is forgotten no longer though... Toda, Brian, toda.

Matisyahu, with his flat-brimmed hat (ala The Chosen) and that big bushy beard (ala Tevye), has now moved himself into the coveted top spot on my ipod playlist. His peppy reggae raps about HaShem, King David and Joseph of Egypt are exactly what I’d been craving; a little unorthodox "orthodox" for the soul.

EFW: Especially For Woo

As per Woo's request. Everyone who has student loans, write and thank your Congressional representatives who finally got around to passing the reconciliation bill from last year's Deficit Reduction Act! The legislation cuts among other things, 12.7 Billion from the federal student loan program. If you owe $15,000, you'll owe another $1,360 over the course 10 years... If you owe upwards of a hundred thousand like many graduate students, it's gonna' be a whole lot more than that. One would expect that a Congress intent on stimulating the economy would consider education a good investment. Apparently not though. Instead they pass the buck and essentially "raise" taxes on middle and lower class families through these cuts. Unfortunately student loans aren't the problem. This is equivalent to putting a band aid on a leg with gangrene. Add to this the fact that the Bush administration is pushing to make several tax cuts permanent and you negate any "deficit reduction" supposedly achieved by this bill and keep the federal deficit nice and ballooned (estimated by the OMB to be over $400 billion in 2016).

Under The Gun

Sometimes I can’t figure myself out. I hate pressure… but it’s often what I need to impel myself to action. When I’m under the gun, I’m usually on task, thorough and efficient. When I’m not, results can vary. Take today for instance. I only have one class on Wednesdays; one that today I decided to skip to catch up on all of my classes from the comfort of home. I was adamant that I would rise early and jump right on my task list. Didn’t happen. I end up snoozing myself until 10 this morning. It's okay though, I still have all day you see. But first the dog must be walked and fed, the email checked, and news read. After that I have a bite to eat before I immerse myself in International Business Transactions. Once fed, I build a fire thinking it will be nice to study next to. Then the mailman shows up. Letters to read – which reminds me, did I get any new email? Okay. Serious study time now. Wait… Brian IM’d me. Better shoot the sh-t about the State of the Union address for awhile. Arrrghh… Dog has to go pee, I’ll just run him onto the front lawn and back in again. Crap! A speaker bailed on the Conference I’m planning. I really need to see about a replacement. Rob’s calling. I have to talk to him about picking him up from the airport tonight. Geez. I’m bushed. I should start condensing my notes and hit my reading, but maybe I’ll squeeze a game of Settlers first – just to clear my head of course. Dog’s by the door; didn’t I just take him out? Fire’s low. Let me get wood quick. Back to homework now. What music should I listen to while I study? Maybe there is something new on the FTP. Wow. I’m a little famished. Snack break… I’ll be quick. Oh.. and I should pay my Verizon Bill before I forget. Okay, where was I. International Business Transactions. Let me check my email fast before I get started. Damn. It’s 5pm.

Dog Days

A few thoughts from a relatively new dog owner. With all of two and a half months of dog parenting under my belt, I figured I’d throw together a short list of observations:

1 – Pockets of Kibble: I’ve found I seem to have a little kibble or a few liver snacks in the pockets of every coat and pair of pants I own. Around the house this is actually kind of nice, as I can readily award Jäger for good behavior. At school, however, the doggy treats have not been quite as handy. Oh… and in case you were wondering, kibble doesn’t hold up well in the laundry.

2 – Crowded Bed: At first we crated Jäger every night. We actually had little choice; he had a taste for power cords and wasn’t very discriminating in when and where he relieved himself. He’s a quick learner though and it didn’t take him long to finagle a spot at the foot of our bed every night. He’s had little trouble wrapping us around his little paw, but in this case it’s worked out alright; he keeps our toes warm and loves to sleep in, just like my wife.

3 – Spontaneity Killer: No more road trips on the flip of a dime. Even planned trips present a bit of a problem these days unless we’re bringing Jäger along. In fact, we can’t even hit dinner after school and work without skedaddling home first. We feel bad making Jäger hold his bladder for more than 8 hours, which is a good thing because he can’t seem to hold it for more than 6.

4 – Michael Moore Lover: Yup. That’s right. Our boy loves the mighty Michael Moore. My in-laws gave Jäger a Michael Moore chew toy for Christmas and it’s become far and away his favorite thing to chew on. In fact, he’s gnawing on it right now.

Rose Colored Glasses

So I finally got around to watching a movie my wife has long pushed me to see. Labyrinth. For those of you unfamiliar with it, this is the premise: Sarah (Jennifer Connolly) wishes that goblins would kidnap her screaming baby brother. When they actually do, she is forced to find her way through a massive labyrinth in order to rescue him. She has all sorts of adventures along the way and befriends several mystical creatures (Jim Hensen Muppets) who give her the self-confidence to eventually confront the Goblin King Jareth (David Bowie). Clearly, as you can tell, it's an edge of your seat thriller.

Bewildered as to how I managed to escape the eighties never having seen it, Melbo put Labyrinth into our Netflix queue the moment we signed up. "Mysteriously", in almost two years it's never managed to find itself in the "on deck" circle... that is, until last week. Melissa pulled a fast one and it ended up in poll position. She assured me, however, that it would be 101 minutes well spent. In hindsight, I'm convinced she's sporting a pair of rose-colored nostalgia glasses. After all these years, she still knew every word of each musical number and couldn't stop laughing at the farting bog of eternal stench.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't think it was all that bad... just over-rated. It certainly didn't bowl me over with a rush of childhood memories. Maybe to fully appreciate this cinematic opus, I needed to see it as a youngster. Perhaps then I'd be the one sporting those rose-colored glasses and would rank Labyrinth right alongside my own childhood favorites like The Goonies, The Princess Bride, The Secret of Nimh, or Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Who knows, it may well be that others who didn't see these films when they were young might regard them much as I do Labyrinth. I think it's either that or, much as I might hate to admit it, I'm losing touch and becoming an old fart.

Top Ten Reasons Why Gargantus and Melbo Are Great

Among my New Year's resolutions is to make good on a promise I made during finals last month. So without further adieu here are my top ten reasons why Melbo and Gargantus, respectively, are great.

Melbo*

10. Like I said - She comes through in the clutch (see promise above)

9. Gives a hell of a massage (be forewarned though... at times she's borderline sadistic. It's almost as though she enjoys seeing me writhe in pain)
8. Has truly come into her own as a cook... Nothin' like coming home to a Melbo cooked meal

7. Always up for spooning to a good movie after a long day (she's my cuddle-bunny)
6. Ever willing to accompany me on all sorts of little adventures (whether they be to a small art exhibit in Georgetown or an out of the way tavern in Munich)

5. Tolerant of (if not an active participate in running) what seems like another family hotel (my parents run the original)
4. Loves NPR (this makes her a true kindred spirit)
3. Drives me into school on occasion (even though it's a minimum of forty-five minutes out of her way, round-trip)

2. Dreams big (someday, among other things, we're going to own a spa and a small printing company)

1. Occassionally leaves improvised ditties on my voicemail sung to the tune of whatever song she's listened to most recently (these are then re-saved every forty days by me).

Gargantus**

10. He's always good for a laugh... anytime, anywhere, about anything

9. Never have to worry about offending him
8. It's fun to "brag" about a friend who is professionally racing in Europe
7. Everyone needs some attractive friends, it helps one's self-image
6. Much to his own chagrin, he's pretty damn smart and one a hell of a writer

5. It's nice having a "hot" friend I can set girls up with
4. One of his nipples is rather large (see accompanying photo)
3. Someone I can hang out with in Europe… or at least talk about hanging out with, but never actually meet up with
2. His uncanny ability to turn virtually any comment into an inneundo
1. He's a great resource for helpful tips on dating and romance


* This list is in no way intended to be comprehensive... It is merely ten of the many reasons why Melbo is great
** This list may or may not be comprehensive... I didn't put much more thought into it after coming up with ten

The Best Two Years... So Far

Some have said that the first two years of marriage are the hardest. If that's the case, I say bring it on. Here's to two years of wedded bliss and to the woman I hold wholly responsible for it. Happy Cotton anniversary Melbo... I'm already looking forward to the Leather.

Blueberry Memories

Atop my desk sits an unorthodox memento of sorts. Not one you’d normally expect to see on an office desk. Odds are, you probably wouldn’t know quite what to make of it if you saw it. At first glance you might mistake it for an old, moldy bagel. But in fact it’s actually an old blueberry bagel. My wife has tried to throw it away or pack it out of sight on a couple of occasions. She doesn’t seem to grasp the sentimental value that this almost petrified baked good holds for me.

A good friend sent me this bagel on my mission. He had saved a couple of bagels from a dozen I’d sent him while he was in the Missionary Training Center himself (I worked at a Bagel shop at the time). Both of our missions were unbelievably challenging, but extremely fulfilling experiences, and, for one reason or another, the bagel just struck a chord. It seemed to represent for me the deep and abiding relationships that were, in large part, why I chose to serve. I kept it on my nightstand in every one of my mission apartments. One glimpse of it would bring me comfort and remind me that I wasn't alone.

This rock hard, boiled and baked, lil' New York wonder bun has come to symbolize my evolution from high school slacker into… er… young adult slacker. It signifies a rite of passage and embodies a friendship that has seen me through as I've struggled to find direction and meaning in life. It typifies my religious awakening, a series of refreshing highs and discouraging lows, a difficult, but deeply rewarding journey. Can’t you see it?