Tuesday, December 26, 2006

The Beard


So I haven't shaved since the end of July. Why? I guess I'm not quite sure. I stayed pretty clean shaven all summer while working at my firm, so perhaps it was a reflexive reaction to the tyranny of frequent shaving.

I'll come right out and admit it. I've never been a big fan of the daily shave. It chafes. While I was a student at BYU (where the honor code requires men to be clean shaven) I even got myself a "beard card" (a shaving exemption requiring a doctor's note). The official line was that I had a mild case of pseudofolliculitis barbae and so my doctor "prescribed" me facial hair.

Left to my own devices, I typically shave every week or so. My current beard started out as nothing more than pure laziness. As I wrapped up my summer work, I jumped on a number of home improvement projects and shaving just wasn't a priority. Once I'd made it past the "sandpaper" stage (usually a week and a half or two), Melbo stopped complaining (er... as much). From there, the beard just gained momentum. It became something of a conscious undertaking. I decided if I was ever going to just "let it all go," now was my chance. I had no looming interviews, no clients to impress, no events to oversee, and no weighty Church callings to live up to. It became sort of self-perpetuating. The longer it grew, the more curious I became to see how long it could get.

Five months long now and my curiosity has been satiated. Maybe if I was tending a lodge in Alaska I'd have more patience, but as things stand now, enough's enough. So as part of Melissa's Christmas present, I shaved this weekend. In stages of course.

The first left me with lambchop sideburns that hung two inches past my jaw (of which there is no photographic evidence). Then I went to the biker bush (this was a big hit at Church). And finally I scaled back to the well-trimmed goat. I'll probably stick this out awhile. While growing a beard is fun... it's suprising what a little shave does to Melbo's libido.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

How have the airports been treating you lately, you freaking Jihadist?! You know how I feel about the long beard...

Oh, and thanks for the imagery of your horny 9-month pregnant wife (feel free to erase this comment).

Gargantus said...

yeah, shouldn't she be squirtin' that thing out soon?

Camille said...

It's a good thing you took care if it on your own, because there was no way I was letting you welcome your son into this world with The Beard. :-)

Marc said...

BA - Just a little friendly pat-down on my way to Utah... almost made me want to have a beard every time I fly. As for the imagery, I'm glad I could oblige.

Garg - Squirtin'? That's the first time I've ever heard anyone use that verb to describe giving birth (Usually it's something along the lines of "pop"). She's getting close though. Less than three weeks until the big day... but we're told she could "go" at anytime now.

Camille - Hmmm... Was Melbo involved with your plotting?

Anonymous said...

This first picture draws visions of the mountain men who line up at Donner's Pass on the way to Tahoe and who I pay to put chains on my tires. All you need is the jumpsuit, or rather all you needed was th jumpsuit... Or maybe the first picture reminds me of Ted Kaczynski.

Marc said...

The mention of Donner's pass invokes visions of cannabalism and Kaczynski... well... who wouldn't be flattered by a comparison to the unabomber?

Anonymous said...

I am glad you lost the beard. The baby would hate it.

SmootheP said...

While I hate to shamelessly self-promote… I wrote a blog about the goatee just a mere 2 months ago. Marc, I believe you posted on that blog, so you should remember that the main theme of the article was how the Goatee is in the process of becoming next generation’s Mullet.

NY Magazine’s fashion writers posted an article offering a little insight into the current standing of the goatee. And I quote, “"there is one personal-style choice that received a zero percent approval rating in our informal poll: the goatee. Typically worn by men who peaked during the era when those chin triangles were socially acceptable, it tells the world, “Ten years ago, you would have gone home with me.”

Marc, please be careful with your facial hair.

d a k said...

You look like Sean Penn in that last picture. Well your chin does anyway.

Marc said...

Pete - Hey, if it's good enough for the Lord's annointed, it's good enough for me.

DAK - Trusting you're being serious, that's kind of funny. Up until a few years ago I actually used to get Sean Penn comparisons here and there. It always makes you feel warm and fuzzy when people tell you you look like the rapist-murderer from Dead Man Walking.

Anonymous said...

I echo all setiments on the lazy shave. I have a beard now becasue I am lazy and also I have noticed road biking in the winter is much warmer with the ole beard. As for the libido stuff T.M.I. if you keep it up you'll have to rename it "adult erotica according to marc. "

melbo said...

All I can say is that I preferred having the beard in my stocking rather than on Marc's face. (Yes, it WAS in my stocking. But at least it was in a plastic bag.)

Marc said...

Melbo - Now what was that you said it looked like again?

Anonymous said...

You are truly one of the funniest people I have ever... Read! Falafels?? Where do you even come up with this stuff. I laughed for a good 10 minutes on that one. BTW, Love the Sean Penn Goatee!

Anonymous said...

anonymous has an effed up sense of humor. I'm not saying that Marc is not funny, but typically people describing Marc use adjectives like, smart, competitive, persistent, handsome, successful, annoying. Any of those I'd say, "sure." Funniest? I'm not sold yet.

Marc said...

Smooth - I'm assuming anonymous came here via your blog since the only time I've mentioned falafels of late was on your site. Perhaps I should visit it more often though... it seems as though I'm quite a hit there.

BA - I won't argue with you there. While I think I can be funny at times... funniest might be pushing it. Anyone who is friends with Tyson, by definition, cannot be the funniest or handsomest.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is my wife came up to the computer as I was reading this blog and said, "Who is that with the beard, Screech?" That is 100% true.

Anonymous said...

Your step-Grandma-in-law says "shave it all off."

Marc said...

TFB - Are you sure she didn't say Zack Morris?

Grandma-In-Law - Apparently you've been talking to Melbo.