Friday, July 28, 2006

A Little Disappointed

In D.C., law firms that hire summer associates typically pack their summer calenders with a slew of social events. You'll always have a couple of standard dinners at a Partner's house as well as some obligatory happy hours. Beyond that, anything's fair game. My firm also took us on a dinner cruise, to a couple baseball and soccer games, as well as to a few plays, movies, and comedy clubs. All in all a pretty good summer... except that I'm still feeling a bit unfulfilled. Why might you ask? Because I never got to segway.

Segways, in case you're unclear, are two-wheeled, self-balancing, scooter-like contraptions that bury the needle at a zippy 12.5 miles an hour. Everyday in D.C., mobs of tourists sporting "F.B.I. Agent" T-shirts purchased for 2 bucks from some street corner vendor cruise around the city on these speed demons as part of any of a number of organized tour groups.

For one reason or another my firm thought it would be a knee-slapper to make public spectacles of us summers' by setting us up to segway around the city like tourists. The thing is, I was all about it. With a tour group named "Segs in the City" tapped to herd us about, is it really any wonder?

Unfortunately, we got rained out on the night of the big tour. And it didn't just rain, it poured. The IRS building is closed until 2007 because of leakage from the rain that night. So alas, we were forced to reschedule... and what do you know? It rained again. I swear it rained for two damn weeks straight. We could have been in the Pacific Northwest for all we knew. We tried to set another tour up one last time, but the summer was more than half over and there just wasn't another workable tour night.

Why am I so bummed about it? Well... because I don't think I'll ever do a segway tour on my own. Having the firm plan the tour for me gave me an out. I'm not sure I could bring myself to pay for one. That said, I'm now a little fixated on these two-wheeled little gizmos. What's behind this fascination? I'm not quite sure other than to say that I seem to relish being the geek at times. Back in high school I used to show up to disco-skating on Saturday nights in a graduation gown and a Slash wig. The idea of strapping on a bike helmet and dodging sidewalk traffic while running in a pack of segways just sounds like a smashing good time. Apparently, however, this allure isn't universal. A couple of summers' at the firm swore they wouldn't be caught dead on one of these suckers... said they were "morally" opposed. Perhaps they aren't aware of how cool segways have become... from bad-ass Jackie Chan to Elvis-loving Junichiro Koizumi to also-ran John Kerry to the Chicago P.D., everyone seems to be riding these things of late. In fact, George W. even gave one a whirl not too long ago, although for purposes of full disclosure, I should note that he did encounter a bit of trouble (see below).

Which brings me back to my discontent. It's lasted long enough now that I'm wondering if I'm destined to crack at some point and cough up the money for a tour. Or maybe I could just rent one and hit the D.C. streets (and beyond) on my own. I've seen people take these things into office buildings, restaurants, and even the a Senate office building. I'm certain I could handle a segway better than Bush. I'd be a regular old Homer Simpson on the thing..."Fly, Segway, Fly!" (My only problem would be coercing someone into joining me).

15 comments:

melbo said...

I was also extremely bummed over missing out on the segway, but now I'm even more excited for our Gettysburg trip because...
Segs does tours there, too! Who would've thought?

In Bush's defense, do you see that racket in his hand? It looks to me like he was just rushing for the ball. Good play, Prez, good play.

Sue Ellen Mischke said...

That CPD uniform even looks hot on a segway...

Weren't you a big Arrested Development fan? No GOB reference? I'm disappointed.

Marc said...

Melbo - Ahhh... playing tennis on a segway so he doesn't have to run around as much. The Prez is really showcasing his outside-the-box style of thinking here.

Sue - You make is seem as though once you've gone P.D., you never go back. And a gross oversight on my part.

Sue Ellen Mischke said...

I always say I'll never date a civilian again.

I love that picture. Oh, how I miss GOB! I feel an AD DVD marathon coming...

Rabble-rouser said...

I think that you should buy one and start your own Seg Gang. You could have custom t-shirts and leather jackets. You would be feared on all the streets of D.C. Maybe you could even start your own subsidiary of B.A.C.A. called S.A.C.A.; Seggers Against Child Abuse. It would be awesome!

Marc said...

Rabble - While your S.A.C.A. has merit (can you imagine the intimidation factor there?!)... I fear I'm just not hardcore enough. I question whether I'd even be willing to pay to RENT a segway on my own... the idea of buying my way into a segway gang is beyond comprehension for me at this point.

Rabble-rouser said...

I understand the financial problem. However, after you get all of the local shop owners to start paying you their weekly protection fee your investment in the Segway will be easily paid off. :) Or you'll be whacked by the local Mafia family for intruding on their territory. On second thought, maybe it is not such a great idea.

Marc said...

Wow... you're really taking your hypothetical and running with it Rabble. It's a question of willingness, not finances... and in D.C. the worry would be gangs, not the mafia.

Rabble-rouser said...

You used the word "buying," so I assumed. As for the hypothetical, I have a three year old, we encourage her to use her imagination, somtimes it rubs off on me. What can I say? :) Mafia, gangs, either way it's best to stay away. In short, I would have been excited to do the Segway tour for free too.

Gargantus said...

you ever seen westside story?! those gangs will dance fight the shit out of you if you can't stand the heat. Seriously Marc, even if you aren't planning are starting a gang, get a switchblade and some tap lessons.

Mrs. McDreamy said...

I, too, was waiting for the GOB reference. Forget all the others seen on the segway, GOB is all I need to make me want to try one! I think they look fun/ny. Fork out the money and go on the tour! I am sure you won't regret it and I can't wait to laugh at you about it.

Marc said...

Rabble - Apparently the wife wants to segway around Gettysburg... so I may just be cruising on one sometime soon.

Garg - Aren't switchblade's illegal? Or is that just some rumor of my youth? I do have a butterfly knife I bought in Tijuana with Tice and Naked about 11 years ago... does that count?

Ali - You've put forth a compelling argument. If it's good enough for GOB, it should be good enough for me. There's not much that one can say to rebut that.

Gargantus said...

i think switchblades are only illegal in some states, but maybe its a nationwide thing. I have a butterfly knife, switchblade and stilleto all from Tijuana. You can probably guess how much i've used them... A lot.

Alice said...

Oh dear... I wonder if you've been putting in to many hours and have as a result lost your sanity. The Segway is a horrid thing. I see people rolling around town on them and I feel strongly that the same people riding those odd mobiles are also individuals who attend Star Trek conventions.

Stay away Marc... far far away from the Segway.

Gargantus said...

have you seen the family guy where there is a mock trekie convention. The kid roldes up on a segway and says "strange, there is usually segway parking at these things."